In addition to generally leading to better discussion, open-ended questions tend to help people feel more comfortable sharing, she says. When you’re first learning someone’s sexual interests, Howard emphasizes that it’s important to ask open ended - not yes/no - questions. Qs to learn about their interests and turn-ons Do you have any concerns about our differing sexual histories that you want to talk through? I know that I’ve been with more people than you have and have tried a wider variety of sex acts than you, but I want to assure you that I want you to set the pace of what we try and when.And because I know you’ve been in more long-term relationships, I’ve been feeling nervous about how sexually experienced I am. I haven’t yet met or dated someone I feel comfortable exploring different ways of experiencing pleasure with.If, however you want to learn more about their sexual history or you’re nervous that you’re either “not experienced enough” or “too experienced” for them, pose one of the below questions: What was a time you laughed hardest in bed?.What parts of your body have you never had stimulated before?.What sex act do you want to try that you never have?.If you could only ever have three erogenous zones stimulated, what three would you choose?.Is it because you’re interested in what types of sex acts they’d be interested in exploring together? If so, go ahead and ask the following: What kind of music do you enjoy getting down to?īefore you ask these questions, think through W-H-Y you’re asking them.Where is your favorite place to have sex?.What time of day do you most enjoy having sex?.Is marriage or engagement a prerequisite for you for sex? Do you have any prerequisites for sex?.How would you describe your interest in sex? What is your relationship orientation? What is your preferred relationship structure?.“You want to learn what they’re looking for sexually earlier in the relationship, because if they’re into something that’s a Hard No for you, it’s better to find out sooner rather than later,” says Howard. In other words: Are you sexually compatible or nah? Qs to learn about what they’re looking for in a sexual partner What it can do for your relationship at this stageĪt the early stages in your relationship, you want to figure out whether your sexual wants and needs mesh. Wherever you’re at in this new relationship or situationship, there are dirty questions you can ask. Or maybe you’re still trying to parse out whether you and your new boo are a good match, sexually. Maybe you and your recent Right Swipe just entered R-rated territory. Maybe you’ve smooched but not smacked the sack.
If you’re newly talking or seeing each other How would you feel if I read you a paragraph? What can I do to help you de-stress right now?.I’d love to kiss you and see if it leads to more than that.How would you feel about taking a shower together and seeing where it goes?.Here, what you ask is going to vary depending on whether you and your partner are already intimately/physically/emotionally connected and you want to up the ante. If nothing was off-limits, what would you want me to do to you?.What do you want to watch me do to myself?.Tell me, what would you be doing to me if I was there?.Remember last week when you pinned me against the wall? I’m going to narrate it to you from my point of view, if you’ll let me.“Asking questions can be really hot fun over video and phone because you’ll be able to see and hear their excitement,” says Howard. If you could have your way with me, what would you do?.Tell me, what would you want me to do to help you come? Baby, if I was with you I’d want to feel you orgasm around me.Do you know how it works? I’d love to tell you about it. I think it could be fun to use together.How long do you think you would last before begging me to touch you if I was wearing this with you?.If I was with you, which part of my body would you want to lick first?.If you get the green light, you might ask: You bet your butt a leading question has the power to take the conversation from “OK” to “OH!” With nudes, lewds, or sextingįirst things first: Before you send a racy pic or text, ask permission!Īs Texas-based sex educator Goody Howard, MSW, MPH, puts it, “You never know if someone is with their kids or sitting by their grandmother in hospice.”Īsking permission allows the person to confirm whether they’re locationally/emotionally/spiritually in a place to receive your smutty sexts. Crash course: If you’re trying to get someone in the mood